If you’re the type to get relationship advice from a magazine column then take note, Men’s Health recommends picking up “that new Nintendo system with the stupid name.” Apparently it’s been designed to “suck video-game-dissing women into the virtual world,” at which point they become your love slaves. Not bad for $250, eh? Oh, and by the way, I hear the DS works the same magic — and it’s portable!

Categories: Gaming
No Comments »

via modblog

A Nintendo themed tattoo. Now I think I’ve seen everything! Nice that they even included characters from the Game and Watch series!

Categories: Gaming
No Comments »

2.) They’re useful. In this tech-savvy world, it’s great to have a b/f who can make your laptop, desktop, and just about anything else that plugs into a wall behave itself.

3.) They’re more romantic than they’re given credit for. Ok true, their idea of romance might be to make up a spiffy web-page with all the reasons why they love you, with links to pics of you and sonnets and such… but hey. It lasts longer than flowers, plus you can show your friends.

4.) Due to their neglected status, there are plenty to choose from. You like ‘em tall and slender? There are plenty of geeks/nerds who are. You like ‘em smaller with more meat on their bones? Got that too.

5.) They’ve got brains. Come on now, how can intelligence be a bad thing?

6.) Most are quite good at remembering dates. Like birthdates and such, especially if they know it’ll make you happy. Due again to their neglected status, they’re more attentive than guys who “have more options”. Plus, with all that down time without a steady girlfriend, they’ll likely have mental lists of all the things they’d love to do once they GOT a girlfriend.

7.) Sex. Yep. Sex. I’m not really familiar with this myself, but I’ve friends who’ve been intimate with geek guys and it’s raves all around. They say a virgin wrote the Kama Sutra… all that time thinking about sex, imagining sex, dreaming about sex, (they are male after all) coupled with a desire to make you happy? Use your imagination.

8.) They’re relatively low-maintenance. Most can be fueled on pizza, Twinkies and Mt Dew. No complicated dinners needed here, so if you’re not the best cook, eh. Can you order a pizza?

9.) Most frequent bars as often as slugs frequent salt mines. You won’t have to worry much about your geek guy getting his “groove” on with club hotties because, frankly, he’ll be too busy rooting around under his computer wondering where that spare cable went. You won’t have to worry about him flirting with other women because, 9 out of 10 times, he’ll zip right by them in a perfect b-line towards the nearest electronics store. I’ve seen this happen.
Me: “Eww. Victoria Secret’s Models… They’re so skinny. How is that feminine? You can see her ribs!”
Geek Guy: “ooooooo…”
Me: “Hey!” *notices he is staring lustfully towards the computer store*
Geek Guy: “What?”
Me: “Never mind…”

10.) Although he may not want to go to every outing with you, you can arrange swaps, as in, you’ll go to his Gamer Con dressed as an elf princess if he’ll take you to the ballet. Plus, if he doesn’t want to go someplace with you, you won’t have to worry much about what he’s up to. You’ll probably come home to find him asleep on his keyboard in a sea of Mt. Dew cans with code blinking from the screen. It’s ok. He’s used to this. Just toss a blanket over him and turn out the light.

11.) His friends aren’t jerks. I can’t stress this enough. You’ll more likely get “Omg! A GIRL!! Can I see?!” than “Hey hot stuff back that ass up here and let me get some grub on…” They’re awkward geeks too and will, 9 times out of 10, treat you with the utmost respect and, more than likely, a note of awe. A cute girl picked one of their clan to date? It could happen to them! Hope! Drag some of your single girlfriends over, open up a pack of Mt. Dew, crack open the DnD set and get working. Nothing impresses geek guys more than a girl who can hack-n-slash (well ok maybe if she can code… a geek can dream).

12.) They’re rarely if ever possessive. They trust you, so you can be yourself around them. You like to walk around the house in a ratty t-shirt for comfort? He won’t care. He does too! They won’t get pissy if you don’t wear make-up or don’t want to bother primping your hair. If you gain a few pounds, they won’t try their best to make you feel like crap.

13.) They’re usually very well educated. Physics majors and the like. See #5. You won’t have to listen to him blathering on about his car (ok maybe a little), he’ll have loads of other interesting things to talk about. Politics, world events, how much the chicken burgers down at the local place rock, so long as you douse them in hot sauce…

14.) You’ll almost never have to hear, “Yaw dawg whazzap!!” plop out of their mouths. Unless it’s in jest. They spell properly, use correct punctuation, and are able to tell the difference between the toilet and the floor. They almost never get “wasted”, so you won’t have to worry about coming home to find him and his friends passed out on the floor amidst a pile of beer bottles. Mt. Dew cans, perhaps…

15.) And the final reason why geeks and nerds make great boyfriends: They actually give a damn about you. Not how you look (though that’s a plus), not how skinny you are, not how much make-up you primp yourself up with, but they like you for you. That kind of thing lasts longer than “DaMN baby you got a fine ass!!!” Believe me.

Categories: Humor
No Comments »

This is really really really old, but a really really really awesome commercial — School’s Out!

A lot of people seem to complain that Nintendo is too “kiddy”. Somehow they want them to publish a more “mature” game. Somehow I don’t think the Mario universe would work. Here’s an imagined scenario where Mario takes on his adversaries in a bloody melee. — The People’s Mario

Categories: Gaming
No Comments »

Asian women are hailed all over the globe as beautiful, and it is true.  In a homogeneous culture where only one ethnicity exists (Japan, China, Korea, etc) this is not a very big problem, since the only available male is asian.  However, in a diverse melting pot like America, the chances of the asian male scoring an asian female is greatly decreased.

To put it simply, asian women are attracted white males.  White males dig asian females.  White males date asian females, and by doing so deplete the supply of available asian females for the asian male.  No problem, you say, why can’t asian males date white females in retaliation?  Because white females do not prefer to date asian males.  Let’s face it, asian males are the middle children of society — often ignored and underappreciated.  So they say asian men aren’t great lovers, drink too much, and have nasty flaming tempers.  But our weaknesses is what makes us so lovable.  We are inept, socially lost children who need the loving compassion and sympathy of asian women.  We must be loved, out of pity if need be.  

The numbers show that the asian male is greatly facing extinction within the next 10,000 years if things do not turn around.  Doing a random walk on the street, me and my colleague estimated an average of three asian women with white men  in a period of an hour.  Guessing that we encounter about twenty asian females per hour, that is about a one out of eight chance that asian females date white males.  Over the course of evolutionary history, this is devastating to the asian male genotypic ratio to the entire population.  Extinction is inevitable.

So I beg of you, asian women, the next time you see a single asian man, be lenient on his looks, and take pity.  So his hair looks like it’s been electrocuted and slicked with a half gallon of gel, and he begs for attention as he thumps overbassed gangsta rap from his lowered turbo-charged civic with dual exhaust … That’s why we need you.  We are little children, lost without the guidance and compassion only the asian woman can offer.  The fate of the asian male species rests in your hands!

Categories: Life
No Comments »